My Best Friend Left Me

I lost my best friend today.  Elvira.  She was my black lab I had for 15 years.  She was so smart. A smart ass. She had a way of tricking me with faking illnesses, injury, and getting her way.  I loved that dog so much. More than most humans.  I feel like I lost a part of me.  She had terminal cancer diagnosed last year and I was devastated.  But because of where I work, I didn’t have the luxury to fill her bucket list.  I did take her with me to Mammoth and she had freedom from a leash for miles.  But she stayed with me.  Chaz ran amuck.  She looked at me and sat with me as we watch that damn dog act like a fool.  When Chaz was gone, she started to deteriorate.  Like a losing a soul mate.  I hope where she is better than where I am.  So, all I can do tonight is listen to songs dedicated to her and finish my vodka from two years ago.  I am making major strides at the house, mowing the back and front yard. I shredded everything that I wanted to shred.  I am trying to stay busy.  I’m by myself, drinking and crying, trying to celebrate her, but failing miserably.  All I can do is keep doing what I am doing.  But I can’t.  She was more to me than I wanted to admit.  OMG this hurts soooooo much!!!